So Christmas is over again...

Estes Weihnachten ohne Oma... war schwer, aber trotzdem ein paar schoene Tage. Mit unserem Opa bei uns und gemeinsamen Vermissen, was den Schmerz so viel ertragbarer macht. Oma, du fehlst <3. Und bist trotzdem da, das weiss ich. Ich hab dich lieb.

3 Tage Auszeit fuer Familie und Ruhe und gluecklich sein, dass man all die Menschen um sich hat, die man liebt. Fast. Und im Moment bricht es mir das Herz. Manchmal macht das Glueck anderer deutlich, was einem selbst so sehr fehlt. Was die Freude fuer die beiden frisch Verlobten kein bisschen mindert!! (: Herzlichen Glueckwunsch. (:

How long, how long have we been down?

Sometimes I don't like my life. Sometimes I love it!

barefoot over rough stones,
dancing, laughing, happy.

<3

Sex and Drugs and Rock'n Roll

The dark side of heart does exist for sure. muhahaha ^^

Never know why it's coming down, down, down

Oh Gott, dieses Lied!!
It's killing me... and saving me.
It's so what I want to scream, what I feel...

I thought I could fly, so why did I drown?

Ps.: There's a difference between like so and love so, isn't there? I always thought so...
Maybe I like way too much...

Lost my creativity

Liebe ist ein Arschloch.

Angel, see the sun...

You bring so much light to the inside... (=

Thank you... <3

I know what friends are for... (:

"... but to be honest, who's gonna marry a bitch??"
(Stephie 2011)

<3

My body is a cage

>>Do you care?

Motionless cover and a storm inside
Cannot handle this situation
Feels like not surviving
That we're seperated
Without knowing who we are
Do we belong togehter?
Can I trust the words you've said?
Tell me that you care, please tell me that you care
I wanna run and scream
Crawl into your arms
Just in this second
Cannot stand a minute longer
All the doubts
Am I wasting my love?
Am I wasting my heart again?
Tell me that you care, please tell me that you care
Save me
You're the only one who can
Release me please
I'm burning frozen inside
Don't move, don't breathe
Tell me that you care, please tell me that you care
It just hurts too much to be alive
Without knowing what I mean
What I mean to you
Is it anything at all?
Could you help me out?<<
(2011)

Typisch!

Pistazien essen:

Pistazie aus der Tuete nehmen
Pistazie von der Schale trennen
Pistazie in den Muell werfen
Schale in den Mund befoerdern und feste drauf beissen...
... !?

Anaphylactic Antibody

anaphylactic antibody

anaphylactic antibody

anaphylactic antibody!!

saviour...

Sometimes I'm not sure for how long I can go on with creating a sense for going on. I really NEED you to need me. Soon. NOW!
Escaping in wine for now...

You gotta spend some time, love...

... you gotta spend some time with me. Ich kriege diesen Death Cab for Cutie Song nicht aus meinem Kopf... so true! (;
Ich gebe zu, es gibt die schlechten Momente, gar Tage, an denen das Vermissen an die Grenze des Ertragbaren stößt, dann, wenn ich nicht weiß, ob es Sinn macht, ob ich mein Herz nicht gerade wieder jemanden hinterher schmeiße, der mich fallen lässt, sobald er es hat. Aber er hat mir keinen Grund dazu gegeben, das anzunehmen. Ich muss lernen, zu vertrauen, in diesem Fall sogar blind zu vertrauen und dann werde ich irgendwann wissen, ob es richtig oder falsch war. Dann ist es vll zu spät, aber ich werde mir nie vorwerfen können, nicht alles mir Mögliche getan zu haben. Aufgeben ist nicht. Also: Vertrauen. Ich vertraue. Versuche es zumindest, auch wenn die Angst mich manchmal auffrisst und aus mir ein hysterisches Huhn macht. Ich lerne zu vertrauen. 'Cause you're worth it.

And in this moment you were stolen

Listening to PT's 'Anesthetized' and still LOVE it! (:

Winter has arrived finally... still pretty wet but white though.
And I, I want SUMMER!
It's always the same: what I can have I don't want and what I want I can't have...
Good thing: Cleaning my bureau goes like this: Listen to Christmas songs (before I changed to REAL music again), jump around while putting all those papers etc away and sing very, very loudly and enthusiastically. (; Kind of fun. ^^

Missing...

Feelings break through when I'm tired... miss him so much!
Go to bed now.

Keep hold of your heart...

>>For you I would go through something that makes hell look like a fairy-tale scenery<<

How I wish you could see the potential, the potential of you and me...

(2011)

TRUST!

You and I will meet again

"Lay down your sweet and weary head
Night is falling, You have come to Journey’s end
Sleep now- Dream of the Ones who came before
They are calling from across a distance shore
Why do you weep ? What are this Tears upon your Face ?
Soon you will see, All of your Fears will pass away
Safe in my arms, You’re only sleeping
What can you see- On the horizon ?
Why do the white gulls call ?
Across the Sea, a pale moon rises
The ships have come- to carry you home
And all will turn to silver glass
A light on the water, all souls pass
Hope fades- Into the World of night
Through shadows falling – Out of memory and Time
Don’t say- We have come now to the end
White shores are calling- You and I will meet again
And you’ll be here in my arms- Just sleeping
What can you see – On the horizon ?
Why do the White gulls call ?
Across the sea, a pale moon rises
The ships have come- To carry you home
And all will turn to silver glass
A light on the water
Grey ships pass
Into the West."
(Annie Lennox - Into the West)

Alles Liebe zum Geburtstag, Oma, du fehlst! <3

You do something to me...

... that I can't explain. Would I be out of line if I said I miss you?

It's been an amazing evening, I really love his parents. Meeting them feels so good, I can breathe deeply, I feel almost complete and kind of safe. There's only a little piece of heart that suffers from loneliness more than ever but I love to bear this, it's so worth it. And feeling this pain in such moments makes me... happy. (:

He makes me happy. (:

Stay strong

Hearts from my Advent Calendar! (:

>>I like the sun and the rain, I like fog and storms, I like ice and heat but I can't handle the grey. A bit windy, a bit muddy, a bit cold and grey, much too much grey. I can't handle indetermined things. I love a 'yes' and a 'no' is okay for mee, too, though it hurts. I can handle the extreme better than normality. But I can't handle neither-one-thing-nor-the-other situations.<<

It's about creating an illusion

Adventszeit, Vorweihnachtszeit... Ich war heute Frueh im Fleecepulli 2 Stunden lang im herrlichsten Sonnenschein ausreiten, da fehlt von Winterwonderland jede Spur und die richtige Stimmung zur Jahreszeit will auch nicht so wirklich aufkommen. Dennoch gebe ich mir grosse Muehe, habe ich mich doch heute Nachmittag in die Kueche gestellt, um meine ersten Plaetzchen zu backen. Diverse Makronen waren angesagt, Kokos, Mandel, Hasel- und Walnuss, wahlweise mit Rum, Eierlikoer oder Zartbitterschokolade verfeinert. Immerhin ein Anfang! (:

Don't think, just do!

(2011)

>>Die perfekte Beziehung besteht aus einer allerbesten, tiefen Freundschaft und wirklich tollem Sex.<<
(2010)